Will You Love Me Even with My Dark Side?

I recently purchased the CD of  American pop sensation Kelly Clarkson. There is one song that when I listened to it I found myself picturing mental health stigma and how the person living with mental health may feel. This is the power of musical lyrics. Bring these thoughts one step further into the perspective and through the eyes of a young man and what emerges is a vision of the tremendous vulnerability. Watch the video and read on...

* If I show it to you now, will it make you run away *

   

Being a young man and having a mental illness is a whole other dimension. In adolescence girls have bras and periods to contend with; boys have expectations and man up/suck it up attitudes to filter through. This is the discourse in society and it guides the individuals away from their emotions and into other things.

Being led astray from inner physiological sensations is very confusing, especially for a developing boy. The question how can a boy be angry at himself for feeling sad? is obvious, isn't it? 

* Please remind me who I really am *

The words in Clarkson's song Dark Side are included in full below. In black and white. Mental Health nor stigma are black and white. 

 * Everybody's got a dark side *

Read the song lyrics but envision the vulnerability. the strong emotions. hear the primal need. the need to be accepted and cared for. fundamental human needs.

If basic primal needs are unable to be honoured or validated the potential to induce risk to the adolescent is huge; this leaves an adolescent in a scary, scary place. The individuals do not know why it is scary and they do not need to know why it's scary. 

* Do you love me can you love mine *

As adults in the life of a child or youth that is our job; to open the space for the scary emotions, senses and feeling. A safe space. It is either by way of lived experience or being educated in the field that we know it's scary. Perhaps we have been there, been in that place or perhaps we have learned the intricacies of many psychological theories that bring our attention to the needs. Whatever it is leaving vulnerabilities swaying in the wind breeds insecurities, lack of confidence and low self-esteem. It just does and it is an adults job to help preserve vulnerability in our young people. 

* Nobody's a picture perfect but we're worth it *

* Don't run away just tell me that you will stay promise me you will stay *

Be the strength in a young person's life, be the rock they can lean on!

#BoysNeedtoFeel

Dark Side Lyrics

By Kelly Clarkson

There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
It can become
A few give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Copyright: Kelly Clarkson

We can keep our kids engaged we simply must realize how we are seeking out the engagement.

By: Julie Clarke, BCYC, CYC (Cert.) 

                                  

When we are asked to engage children either personally or professionally we must be keenly aware of our personal agenda towards that child. Is our agenda to teach him how to add 2+2, is our agenda to prevent a bully from bullying another child, is our agenda to rudely assert that you didn't get back the exact change you were supposed to? Adults have agendas when interacting with children and youth; it is the natural hierarchy in our society and although it needs to be this way there are more appropriate ways to engage our younger generations. Unfortunately engaging a child in an authoritarian way has become the norm in today's culture; where expectations for young people are to respond to adults robotically.

Adult interactions with children and youth can create moments of connection that help the individual to experience how being respected feels, how being listened to matters. Studies have proven that children can grow into resilience and responsibility by having at least one positive adult role model in their lives. Your interaction with them does not need to be long term; it does not need to be on a constant or regular basis. A positive adult-child interaction can set the tone for future more established relationships for this young person; it models to them how nice it feels to be treated like a person. Think about that great waiter or waitress who made your experience a wonderful one; these may the people you left a bigger tip to because of how you felt! These learned experiences create opportunities not only temporarily for a young person but lays the groundwork for how he in turn treats others. These experiences help young people gain security, self-confidence and self-esteem; all wonderful attributes towards becoming an adult.

We can keep our kids engaged we simply must realize how we are seeking out the engagement.

Our interactions with each child we find ourselves crossing paths with should always be approached with a specific greeting ritual; a nice smile and eye contact. It is always good too if we can somehow find commonalities with one another (my bedroom sometimes gets messy too!). This primal and I think you will agree very basic greeting ritual will establish a tone for the interaction. Try it! There is no better way to engage a child and to keep them engaged. If you have an agenda to get the child to clean their room for example, often times after establishing initial contact in this way - with a smile, eye contact and commonalities - we can interject our request (agenda) and almost like magic we can watch the child agree to the request. It really can be that easy! We must always think about our agendas as adults in the life of a child in order to ensuring we are not imposing on the child but empowering them to want to do what it is we are asking from them. No yelling or multiple requests required!