Detachment - A Brief Video

In the video below there are a number of poignant symptoms that would contribute to Louis' detachment. Detachment from family, detachment from school, detachment from friends, detachment from self. It is the detachment from self that is troublesome; especially for teens. Ironically when detachment (and yes headphones in the ears when being spoken to is a form of detachment, it's not a sign of the times!) begins to occur those in and around your life become more demanding - do this! why aren't you doing that! - even though you are at your most vulnerable. It is this vulnerability that needs to be protected, validated and nurtured. Our culture has lost this intuitive sense to protect our young.

In the video Louis finds solace unexpectedly in a young boy. Even in their very brief encounter   Louis witnesses wonderment and playfulness. This experience transcends Louis back into a sense of who he was as a young boy. He has naturally been able to tap into his sense of self again; a self that he desperately needs re-connecting too but can't access because life's pressures are holding him down. The realities of growing towards adulthood have a tendency to do that to teens!

The interaction between Louis and the boy is very powerful! This is not an experience that Louis will purposely shut out, he needs this interaction with the young boy. It helps nurture his soul and honour his need to be loved unconditionally. It honours his sense of self and that he too is a young boy who just wants to live life free from expectations and pressures; people coming down on him. Louis is hurting emotionally. His parents are bickering and on the verge of a separation and tangled in their own life circumstances and their son is hurting. Who is there for Louis? We must be mindful that our kids still need guidance, they still need attention, they still need their parents!

Despite the pressures Louis' interaction with the young boy provokes a sense of giving in him. It is wonderfully amazing to watch Louis share his beloved toys with the young boy and re-connect with his inner self. A very healing moment for him and one that demonstrates the need for human connection with one another especially at times of distress. Just BEING with someone is all that one needs. No judgement, no blame, just BE.

 

@BoysNeedtoFeel

Credits

Shaw, Rosie. (2012). Detached. Retrieved 28 January 2013 from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6tNTh0IQtg

Will You Love Me Even with My Dark Side?

I recently purchased the CD of  American pop sensation Kelly Clarkson. There is one song that when I listened to it I found myself picturing mental health stigma and how the person living with mental health may feel. This is the power of musical lyrics. Bring these thoughts one step further into the perspective and through the eyes of a young man and what emerges is a vision of the tremendous vulnerability. Watch the video and read on...

* If I show it to you now, will it make you run away *

   

Being a young man and having a mental illness is a whole other dimension. In adolescence girls have bras and periods to contend with; boys have expectations and man up/suck it up attitudes to filter through. This is the discourse in society and it guides the individuals away from their emotions and into other things.

Being led astray from inner physiological sensations is very confusing, especially for a developing boy. The question how can a boy be angry at himself for feeling sad? is obvious, isn't it? 

* Please remind me who I really am *

The words in Clarkson's song Dark Side are included in full below. In black and white. Mental Health nor stigma are black and white. 

 * Everybody's got a dark side *

Read the song lyrics but envision the vulnerability. the strong emotions. hear the primal need. the need to be accepted and cared for. fundamental human needs.

If basic primal needs are unable to be honoured or validated the potential to induce risk to the adolescent is huge; this leaves an adolescent in a scary, scary place. The individuals do not know why it is scary and they do not need to know why it's scary. 

* Do you love me can you love mine *

As adults in the life of a child or youth that is our job; to open the space for the scary emotions, senses and feeling. A safe space. It is either by way of lived experience or being educated in the field that we know it's scary. Perhaps we have been there, been in that place or perhaps we have learned the intricacies of many psychological theories that bring our attention to the needs. Whatever it is leaving vulnerabilities swaying in the wind breeds insecurities, lack of confidence and low self-esteem. It just does and it is an adults job to help preserve vulnerability in our young people. 

* Nobody's a picture perfect but we're worth it *

* Don't run away just tell me that you will stay promise me you will stay *

Be the strength in a young person's life, be the rock they can lean on!

#BoysNeedtoFeel

Dark Side Lyrics

By Kelly Clarkson

There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
It can become
A few give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Copyright: Kelly Clarkson