I wanted to share with you my article for an upcoming publication for a parent-child guidebook. I am gearing up for the start of a new boys group in the new year and am excited to begin blogging once again. Please feel free to share your thoughts/questions/concerns with me!
Enjoy #BoysNeedtoFeel
Winter Hazards, The Vulnerability of Losing Connectedness with your Child
By: Julie Clarke, BCYC, OACYC Member
During the winter months a family's days tend to get busier with the start of the new school year and the onset of the new season's various extracurricular activities. It is not abnormal for parents to be in two separate places tending to the interests of their children while grabbing a quick fix dinner in order to make it on time; this while daylight diminishes and the temperature dips to unbearable cold. These added stresses combined with the many hazards of winter can be of concern to some families leaving them vulnerable to higher levels of daily stress. Stress can lead to regular familial fighting and lack of communication with one another leaving children and youth vulnerable and disconnected from the adults in their life.
Winter can be a season of opportunities in re-connecting with loved ones. Just as the date on the calendar is marked for that next hockey practice or dance lesson parents can plan ahead for that family game night or a movie outing for the newest premiere. What is it that your family enjoys doing together? Is it getting bundled up for a long walk on one of the local trails? Is it staying in your pyjamas all day and preparing a nice meal and an even better dessert with your kids? Winter can enhance family togetherness which is important in the life of a child or youth.
Why is family togetherness important? Firstly let me clarify. Family togetherness is not taking your child to the rink to watch him/her play hockey or figure skate. Family togetherness is not being distracted by the e-mails, smart phones, video games or other forms of technology. Family togetherness in the spirit of what I am referring to here is creating opportunities to reconnect as one. A family. Family togetherness is meant to occupy the space in which your child our youth lives and for an extended period of time; it means stepping out of our adult world and stepping into our child's world. No distractions.
As parents and guardians of children and youth, making plans to regularly connect with one another enhances the relationship between you. This relationship matters at a very deep level.
Creating opportunities where there are no outcomes pertaining to a win or a loss, where there is no competition and even less formality around "rules" pertaining to fun can surpass all expectations. In fact I will even bet that in time as this routine becomes regular practice, your child will be asking about the next family day! There needs to be consistency and commitment to do this however and with this consistency and commitment the relationship will flourish. There are no quick fixes; there are no complex remedies in connecting with your child. True, wholesome togetherness fulfills the needs of all children young and old and the result is a natural bond between adult and child. This bond grows a child into maturity, it helps them to build a solid, concrete foundation; a strong sense of self.
During the long cold winter ahead be aware of the emotional hazards thrust upon children and youth in ways that are not intended, our lives are busy in today's world. Securing precious time and opportunities to simply 'be' with your child is a great way to connect and dig through that long cold winter!
Julie Clarke is a graduate of the Bachelor of Child and Youth Care program through the University of Victoria. She is a member of the Ontario Association of Child and Youth Counsellors and Ottawa Neufeld Community. She is working independently in and around the community.
