Week 2 – Natural challenges…

This week was the second week of my 10 week boys youth group. We are working on building a foundation for a healthy emotional future for these boys. There are a lot of dynamics at play in the group environment. I love every minute of it but it’s not without it’s natural challenges.

Our normal group of 5 was down to 4 this week as one boy was absent. I do hope he continues as he is an 11 year old with many challenges in his young life. I will continue to hope he comes back and if he doesn’t, I am glad for the one week we spent together. As for the other 4 one would think that this is a breeze…only 4 boys and 2 adults! However, as we suspected there is one boy who is an attention seeker and dominates the group – even over us facilitators. I am continuing to think about the group dynamic and the purpose of why I am doing this.

Do I intervene and halt the disruptions and silliness? Or do I step back and allow the group dynamics to kick in and see where it takes us?

There is a fine line for me as facilitator to allow the group to manage itself. I am considering this due to the age of the boys. For example “Johnny” tells “Matty” to SHUT UP ! This is the peer dynamic at play trying to work itself out. Matty may be more inclined to listen to Johnny rather than me as an adult. Although this communication did not work this week I have faith it will in the future. After all, the very thing I want for these kids to do on their own away from group is to take charge and not to be afraid of their emotions. If I intervene too quickly and say “Now Johnny let’s not use the words “SHUT UP”, it’s better to say “Be Quiet” then I am disrupting the flow of the group. I think I will sit back and watch how this one plays out over the next several weeks. I am not teaching manners as a foundation for life. It is not that I don’t think manners are important it’s just that I choose to let these kids be kids and try and work things out amongst themselves.

However, I am very aware there likely may be some conflict if we do not get the dynamic I am speaking of here under a little more control. I see the disruptions as a possible trigger for Johnny as I also see some slight agitation in him from Matty’s constant disruptions. I am also conscious of the information Mom has provided to me so these are important things for me to keep in mind in moving forward. As for the other two boys well they just get caught up in all the silliness that 9 and 10 year olds do. I have to catch myself from not laughing as they are really cute and I don’t want this group to be all serious and rigid.

We’ll see what next week brings. We are to talk about Bullying and I may need to change our topic and have a heart to heart about what is going on in our group and initiate some discussions around this. What a great learning opportunity for them to share how they feel.

#BoysNeedToFeel

First group went fantastic!

My first boys youth group was tonight and it went amazingly well! We had 5 boys aged 9-11 years and they are a great bunch. It was important right off the bat to ensure we made a differentiation between what we intended to do and that – we aren’t school!  Everyone felt a sense of relief.

Research shows that most boys who are in a problem situation at school are considered “Alpha” personalities. We saw these in full force tonight, some more than others. One mom was afraid to tell me her son had been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD)...bring it on I thought, no worries here! Yes there may be some challenges but I believe that for this group to truly be successful and to honour these little guys we need to ensure they and their needs are being met. If a child is displaying bouts of defiance (at 11 years old) then something in his world isn’t working for him. Will we get to the bottom of it in 10 short weeks? Not likely but in the meantime we can plant some seeds about what it feels like to be respected and treated fairly and see where that gets us.

I am in awe of my abilities to throw this together and actually pull it off tonight. Ideally we want the group to be managing itself as the weeks move forward and we saw this towards the end of the 1 ½ hours we were there. I gave my co-facilitator the thumbs up when another little one pointed to some pictures of the emoticons displaying emotions about how he felt today – this is exactly what this group is for!

I am beyond excited as to where this group is headed…stay tuned next week for week 2 updates.

Boys Need to Feel.

How many will come?

       

As of today I have 5 boys possibly showing up for our first group session next week.

We only wanted to take a minimum of 4, maximum of 6 youth. We did this purposely so as to be able to spend as much quality time with these guys as possible. Most and 10 & 11 years old but one is aged 9.

I will go ahead with the group even if the two I know for sure are attending. After speaking to parents/guardians it is pretty apparent that they could use some guidance with respect to a variety of issues. It will be interesting as well to see if the others who have contacted me see enough value in the program to bring their youth. I hope so but if not, another time.

Last night I presented at the Royal Ottawa Mental Health Hospital on the attachment work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld [see excerpt of his work on You tube: http://bit.ly/eMYUDG]. It was a dream come true for me as a student to be present in this space and be offered an invitation to present this work in a room full of mental health professionals. This has empowered me to move forward above and beyond the trepidation I may feel as the boy’s weekly group fast approaches. I know I am doing the right thing and I can not wait for the group to begin.  Stay tuned…

Boys Need to Be Allowed to "Feel"!

I don't believe in telling boys to "suck it up" or to stop crying. Crying is a good thing! But, there is a tendency in our society that says crying is not acceptable; showing your emotions is not acceptable. This is especially the case as it relates to boys. In my life experience I have seen and realized that these boys who suppress their feelings in this way risk growing up into men that have an abundance of problems related to this very intuitive response to feelings.

Stay tuned as I unfold the experience of me as a new child and youth care practitioner embarking on this journey that holds true for me on so many levels, that Boys Need to Feel!