Suicide is a hot topic in the news currently, especially as
it relates to teens and mental health. I cannot help but worry about the
bullying buzz word and how this dynamic seems to be at the forefront of a teens
who complete suicide. There is a deeper more meaningful understanding of this bullying
dynamic that really must be talked about in order to be fully understood. It
saddens me that what I am about to talk about is not pursued in the everyday
media and one can make assumptions as to why this is. A simple Google search on
Amanda Todd's name would be a good start to understanding what I am stating;
in death this young girl has an entry in a popular online resource known as Wikipedia.
The concept of this is incomprehensible to me. Welcome to 2012 and the world we
are raising our kids in.
We are raising our kids in a new world. In the media we hear
the term bullied or bullying and we immediately think of the bad kids who are
doing this and what needs to be done to further combat future suicides. Right?
Isn't this what you automatically think?
There are a couple of things to realize in my statement
above. 1.) The media portrays a story that will entice readers, the context of
the actual story is lost in the written material and left to be interpreted in
any way it will be by the reader; the reader with their own understandings and
life experiences. This is discourse 2.) Bullying is not just a bunch of kids acting
a particular way. It is a word used to describe the interactions between a dominant
personality and a submissive type personality and 3.) Kids are not bad; circumstances
can be bad and kids can be the result of circumstances but kids are not bad.
Amanda Todd did not take her own life because of bullying.
Amanda Todd completed suicide because she felt alone (and states this in her
online youtube video). Amanda Todd like so many others was left unsupported by her
surrounding people and her community.
Have you ever heard that old saying "it takes a village
to raise a child"? This saying is a metaphor that calls attention to the
fact that more than one or two people are needed to raise a child towards their
optimal potential. Raising children is hard work! In the village this work is
shared amongst many, additionally the village has a natural hierarchy. This
hierarchy understands how elders with more lived experience play a very
important role in helping to raise a child into adulthood. The elder embraces
the young, teaches them tradition and shares with the individual their beliefs
and customs. The elder creates a safe space for the young to make mistakes and
has the power to teach skills of resilience. Where was Amanda's village? Where
were the adults in her village that left her unmistakeably vulnerable? Any
person remaining in a vulnerable situation for any length of time would crack,
especially a young person.
The role of the bully comes into play when the village
attachments are broken and the individual becomes a sitting duck. The hunters
are always out and the sitting duck becomes a perfect target! As I stated
earlier, the media discourse cannot focus solely on the individuals who sought
out a vulnerable target; a target that is used for their own misguided agendas. To focus only on the bully is to negate all of the perfectly positioned breakdowns that lead to the vulnerability.
We are all a part of an ecosystem (Bronfenbrenner, 1994). In
this theoretical perspective we can begin to understand the various ecosystems
in each of our lives. We are represented by our families, neighbourhoods,
friends, religious/cultural beliefs and where all of these interactions take
place and influence one another. Other ecosystems include our local town, the
community dynamics, schools and minor and major cultural and economic statuses; the political environment, larger economy, prevalent prejudices and
environmental conditions to name a few others. This is a complicated and
complex web of systems we live in.These webs are invisible if we focus only on the bully.
When we are open to the possibilities of ecosystems we
become aware of relationships and their dynamics including revealing those that
were invisible. Bullying is being used as a buzz word that masks real invisible and sad truths of how our cultural villages are severely
lacking and our young people are suffering.
Amanda Todd did not commit anything, she completed
something.
Stand up.
Take Notice.
The blood of all young people who complete suicide is on our
hands, not the so called bully who hunted down the vulnerable but the village
of people who simply did not see the signs and the pleas for help leading up to
this unfortunate incident. Amanda says in her own video prior to her death how she "has nobody". I can't help but ask why.
You are a young
person's village, be aware and take notice.
@BoysNeedtoFeel
Credits
First Photo: http://liveunitedyall.org/wp-content/kid-in-tree.jpg
Second Photo: http://365give.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/it-takes-a-village.jpg
Bronfrenbrenner, U. (1994). Ecological models of human
development. In International
Encyclopedia of Education, Vol. 3, 2nd. Ed. Oxford: Elsevier.
Reprinted in: Gauvin, M. & Cole, M. (Eds.), Readings on the development of children, 2nd
Ed. (1993, pp 37-43). NY: Freeman
