Restorative Justice, A Healing Community Initiative

By Julie Clarke, Child & Youth Care Practitioner


Restorative Justice has always been an interesting concept to me. The very idea that any one community is able to embrace the concepts of what restorative justice is, is a community I want to live in. Why? Because it demonstrates the power of people, the power of community and continues to ride along the path of something I have mentioned before; the village a child grows up in plays an enormous role in raising that child.

I have done community volunteer work before. As a busy mom to two pre-teen boys, a child and youth counsellor in private practice as well as inpatient/outpatient psychiatry at a local children's hospital how could I possibly have time to do volunteer work? I make time. I believe in giving back to my community. Plain and simple. Therefore I recently sought out a new volunteer opportunity and stumbled upon a community justice initiative in my local county. I pursued this program because of the very nature of what they do. This initiative plays a role in helping people heal, forgive and move forward in their lives. This is a big part of the work I do as a child and youth counsellor as well but my one on one work is not enough.

The Lanark County Community Justice Program defines restorative justice as "a systematic response to wrongdoing that emphasizes healing the wounds of victims, offenders and communities caused or revealed by the criminal behaviour". Healing the wounds of both victims and offenders! For some of you this will be an entirely new concept, how could one possibly even consider playing a role in healing the wounds of someone who wronged you, right? Is that what you are thinking? At the same time your thinking is on par with our cultural norms and views on who an offender is and how they should be treated. So I don't judge you but ask you to please listen up!

As a child and youth counsellor I aim to empower and motivate individuals to seek strengths within themselves. I can do this as an individual working with an individual. Most times I am also working with the families but I can only do so much, I am only one piece of a very large puzzle (see my previous posts where I mention Bronfenbrenner's (1994) Bioecological Theory of Human Development). Opportunities like the community justice initiative do tremendous work in our communities, if these types of programs do not exist then the one piece of the puzzle I am able to do as a mental health care worker is unable to  be maintained adequately. This is especially within the adolescent population! If programs like restorative justice are not available or offered in our communities then we have failed our people; young and old alike! Those who find themselves involved in the justice system are denied opportunities to repent and accept responsibility for their choices. For anyone who has been a part of the justice system be it as an offender, victim or otherwise it is a very difficult and complex system to be involved in. I won't even begin to summarize here the feelings and/or emotions that go along with a justice experience, just know they are not positive.

 

Community justice initiatives like the restorative justice programs help communities to de-stigmatize.

Imagine. In a time where stigma and mental health are hot topics and in the news regularly, imagine a program that can help de-stigmatize? Imagine a program that can assist in healing individual's both emotionally and mentally, help them restore a sense of health. Imagine a program that could prevent future mental health issues; things like depression even suicide. Would that not be a program you would want to be a part of?

As an offender or a victim imagine sitting in a room with people from your local community, trained facilitators in the restorative justice concepts who have already committed to be non-judgemental, caring and helpful people. Imagine them guiding everyone in the room along and through a process towards healing. This idea is one that when I envision it I see a big community hug; an embrace that at its most primal and basic level is tremendously powerful. It is positive human connection, something we all seek and need in our lives.

There are of course parameters set up in order to ensure these gatherings are successful but if both parties, the victim and the offender are open to what the program has to offer then the outcome can be life-long changes including a decrease in individual shame and self-deprication.

This post was inspired by a wonderful presentation I attended with my young son. It was given in a high school gymnasium with approximately 400+ students. I took my son out of school to attend this event as I felt it was a strong message that he hear at his vulnerable age of 12 years. Please check out the power of foregiveness and healing by Katy Hutchinson. This is her story:

My take home from the presentation was invaluable but with the work I do the thing that warmed my heart the most was that Ryan, the individual whom Katy was able to forgive has moved on with his life. Katy shared with us in the audience that they no longer work together and that Ryan has recently married and is moving forward with his life. Katy expressed that this is right and this is how it has to be. I see Katy as playing a role in this young man's happiness even through her difficult loss. The experience is tragic and the story will never be forgotten but it is what it is and through acceptance she too has been able to move on with her life. We humans have the power to heal one another. 

Happy Restorative Justice Week ! To find out more informatiom about Restorative Justice please go to Correctional Services Canada website at http://www.csc-scc.gc.ca/text/rj/crg-eng.shtml

@BoysNeedtoFeel

 

Sources


http://www.crcna.org/site_uploads/columns/link818_5.jpg
http://www.commjustice.org/ 
http://www.westcoastmen.org/sites/default/files/restorative_justice-handshake.jpg

We can keep our kids engaged we simply must realize how we are seeking out the engagement.

By: Julie Clarke, BCYC, CYC (Cert.) 

                                  

When we are asked to engage children either personally or professionally we must be keenly aware of our personal agenda towards that child. Is our agenda to teach him how to add 2+2, is our agenda to prevent a bully from bullying another child, is our agenda to rudely assert that you didn't get back the exact change you were supposed to? Adults have agendas when interacting with children and youth; it is the natural hierarchy in our society and although it needs to be this way there are more appropriate ways to engage our younger generations. Unfortunately engaging a child in an authoritarian way has become the norm in today's culture; where expectations for young people are to respond to adults robotically.

Adult interactions with children and youth can create moments of connection that help the individual to experience how being respected feels, how being listened to matters. Studies have proven that children can grow into resilience and responsibility by having at least one positive adult role model in their lives. Your interaction with them does not need to be long term; it does not need to be on a constant or regular basis. A positive adult-child interaction can set the tone for future more established relationships for this young person; it models to them how nice it feels to be treated like a person. Think about that great waiter or waitress who made your experience a wonderful one; these may the people you left a bigger tip to because of how you felt! These learned experiences create opportunities not only temporarily for a young person but lays the groundwork for how he in turn treats others. These experiences help young people gain security, self-confidence and self-esteem; all wonderful attributes towards becoming an adult.

We can keep our kids engaged we simply must realize how we are seeking out the engagement.

Our interactions with each child we find ourselves crossing paths with should always be approached with a specific greeting ritual; a nice smile and eye contact. It is always good too if we can somehow find commonalities with one another (my bedroom sometimes gets messy too!). This primal and I think you will agree very basic greeting ritual will establish a tone for the interaction. Try it! There is no better way to engage a child and to keep them engaged. If you have an agenda to get the child to clean their room for example, often times after establishing initial contact in this way - with a smile, eye contact and commonalities - we can interject our request (agenda) and almost like magic we can watch the child agree to the request. It really can be that easy! We must always think about our agendas as adults in the life of a child in order to ensuring we are not imposing on the child but empowering them to want to do what it is we are asking from them. No yelling or multiple requests required!

Counterwill and my being real…

Yes I am a Child and Youth Care practitioner. I am also a mom and most of all a human being. I am not perfect and I never will be. As a professional of course I strive to help others and guide them through their rough times and support them in their difficult times. I always act ethically and separate me as a mother from me as a professional, they are two entirely different roles.
 

This past week I have encountered what I would describe and how Dr. Gordon Neufeld labels it, something called COUNTERWILL. What is countwill you wonder? It is “an instinctive, automatic resistance to any sense of being forced”, any sense of being forced? Isn’t this what we as parents do on a daily basis? Brush your teeth, make your bed, do your homework blah, blah, blah. Don’t we constantly ask kids to do something they just don’t want to do? Isn’t that our jobs? These are the many questions that go through someone’s mind when I say this. Counterwill is a trigger activated when a person feels controlled or pressured to do something that someone else wants us to do i.e. “bidding” and it is manifested in many, many ways.

This past week I was dealing with a highly emotional situation involving my own (soon to be 11 year old) son. It was counterwill at its worst – both from him and from me. It was a “push/shove” match where he was not budging nor was I. The more I said I didn’t want to hear him say that curse word again the more he asserted that he was in fact going to do it and that was that. The discussion got loud and there were tears. All of this right before he was to get on the bus for school. I felt terrible this happened, for me of all people, why can I not have a simple conversation where things are challenged I ask myself. This is where the two entirely different professional versus personal roles piece comes in…I am emotionally attached to my son so it is hard to be objective in situations like this.

Dr. Neufeld speaks about the importance of “collecting” our kids. He says to make eye contact, smile and nod; to do this before addressing a need or an expectation that we require the child to do. I did not do this on this frantic morning the have-to-hurry-up-and-catch-the-bus-or-they’ll-be-late morning. My son and I were not in “attachment” with one another at this moment.

Not being in attachment with my son. This is a vast concept that is discussed at length by Dr. Neufeld in his book and a concept I am still learning about. This not being in attachment with my son at this given moment is however, a slice of reality not just in my world but I believe in others worlds as well. Have you not had good intentions with your kids that quickly go astray under pressure? Or better yet quickly go astray because of some other unknown, unpredicted circumstance?

I am here to tell you, it happens to the best of us. This doesn’t make me feeling any better about my circumstance with my son but in knowing I strive to do my best and will keep going and that I am likely not the only parent who feels this way I can embrace my vulnerability in this regard. I am not perfect!

I am confident that parents have a good heart, that they try and do the very best they can do on a given day. I am not better than anyone because I have studied what it takes to help children, youth and families. I too am a human being just trying to do my best at the parenting thing. I slip up too. I get right back up on that horse and keep in going. This is what we do as parents, we keep on truckin’! Happy Parenting!

#boysneedtofeel

Neufeld, G. & Mate, G. (2004). Hold on to your kids: Why parents need to matter more    

than peers. Toronto: Vintage Canada